Article by Melodie Garrad, Cornerstone Christian Church
May 12, 2017
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips
Psalm 63:1, 5
When I’m at university, I’m surrounded by peers who love what they’re studying. They start assignments weeks before they need to, go to every night lecture, and—most baffling, to me—look forward to the six weeks where we go on our full-time, unpaid work placement. Placement is a glimpse into our futures, and in such a difficult industry of 12 hour shifts, 50-60 hour weeks, guaranteed overtime, and no official breaks… I can’t look forward to that.
After four years at university, I assumed everyone was beginning to drag their feet, and look forward less to the seemingly infinite weeks we spend on placement. But when I see other students on placement or at university, I’m left feeling confused. How do they find these gruelling working conditions satisfying? I remember I once found it satisfying, too, back in my first and second years. I wondered, what changed? I compared myself to them, wishing I could be as happy and fulfilled as they were on placement. I wondered if I’d chosen the wrong career. But I could tell it was more than that.
Many things have changed in my life since I began my degree. I’m now married to a man I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve come to terms with changing relationships and dynamics in my friends and family. I’ve moved churches, and taken on new ministries.
These are overshadowed by my greatest change in the last four years. I’ve grown closer to God. Day by day, trial by trial, God has slowly given me a taste of ultimate satisfaction. The more I crave his presence—regardless of how faithfully I pursue it—the less satisfaction I found in the world. I’m learning this now, not because of how satisfied I have been in God recently, but because of how little satisfaction I find in the world. My friends at university are ignorant of the kind of glory and peace God can provide. For them, ignorance is bliss, allowing them to be happy with this broken world. As for me, I know an infinitely greater bliss.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God (Psalm 42:2), not for work satisfaction or human relationships. I’ve experienced a shadow of God’s glory, and that’s enough to overwhelm my fallen mind. I know one day I will experience it fully. Until then, I’m learning to rely on God alone for satisfaction in this life, because only He can provide pure joy. The tediousness of placement or assignments can’t touch me when I know, and am loved by, the creator of the universe.
As for His plan for me…well, living with roommates while married isn’t something I wanted, and it can make it hard to find time with Sam. But if I had all the time in the world with Sam, it would have been so easy this year to lean on him for strength, instead of God. If I don’t have the strength to carry my burdens, it would be unreasonable to expect him to be able to carry them alone. He’s just another human, fallen and under his own burdens.
I can’t even begin to comprehend how important it is learning this truth now—so early in our marriage—knowing it will shape my relationship with God for the better. The only one who has an overflowing fountain of strength to take the weight is God, and having a busy house full of people is God’s way of saying “Lean on me. Trust in me. I will give you rest, and I will give you strength.”
Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30
